13 Things to Keep in Mind as Your Child with ASD Reaches Adolescence

 Often I get emails from parents who  think their child is getting worse when they hit the double digits.  That’s what it seems like when puberty hits!  So I’m reprinting this article I wrote about adolescence that  first appeared in the Autism – Asperger’s Digest. The article appeared a few years ago, but the worries and challenges faced by parents are the same as they were when I wrote it. I hope you find it useful.

As well to provide an opportunity for parents and educators to have more in-depth information, I’ll be giving a course on Adolescence and Autism here in the  Autism College Classroom on September 10, 17, 24  from 6:00 pm to 8:00 pm PST  (9:00 pm to 11:00 pm EST)   Participation is limited so that participants can have time to ask questions and get advice.  Click here for a description,  Click here forpricing and to enroll. Questions? Email me at Chantal@AutismCollege.com. 

 13 Things to Keep in Mind as Your Child with ASD Reaches Adolescence

0009Living with a child on the autism spectrum day after day, parents often miss the little changes that are so typical of all kids’ development. One day I looked at my son, Jeremy, and realized he was already up to my chin. And what was that – facial hair? His behavior started to change as well. As a young child he’d always been compliant; we spent years trying to teach him to say “no” and mean it. So I was thrilled when he just didn’t want to do what we wanted him to do anymore.

Autism and adolescence: each on their own can be interesting and challenging, to say the least. Together, they form a volatile mix that can arouse daily anxiety in even the most prepared adult. If you live with or work with a pre-teen with an autism spectrum diagnosis, attention to the following 13 points can help you and your child navigate those years a little more smoothly. One caveat: it doesn’t matter the functioning level of your child with autism or Asperger’s; everything here applies. You’ll work them out differently depending upon his or her cognitive, emotional and/or communication abilities, but don’t overlook them, thinking they don’t relate to you child. They do!

  1. Noncompliance: it may not be autism, it may be adolescence. Whether or not they have autism, there’s a definite ‘shift’ in behavior and personality when children turn into teenagers. Wanting your attention changes to wanting their independence. For kids on the spectrum, this behavior change may look like non-compliance; they don’t follow through on your requests as before. But it’s actually a normal part of their development, entirely aside from their autism. As a parent it’s important to support your teen as he struggles to become his own person, and even though it may be hard to appreciate, this is a positive development. After years of being taught to do as he is told, your teen needs to start learning that it is acceptable at times to say ‘No,’ or he might find himself in dangerous situations with peers or others looking for an easy victim to prey upon.
  2. Teenagers need to learn to make their own choices. Giving choices to your growing teen will teach him about decision making and accepting the consequences of his choice (good and bad), as well as help him realize he will eventually have more control over his own life. This applies no matter what the functioning level of the child. Offer him choices, regularly, and abide by the choice he makes. Remember, as he gets older he will want and need to be more involved in his life and his transition planning. By letting him make choices now (within your parameters at first) you are teaching him valuable life skills.
  3. Chores teach responsibility. At any age, it’s good to teach children that being part of a group (whether it is a family, a work group, or a community) brings with it a certain level of responsibility. If your pre-teen has somehow been exempt from chores and group responsibility, let this slide no longer. Teens need to learn that living in a house with other people entails responsibilities as well as pleasures. Chores teach the teen to be responsible for himself, to live independently, as well as foster self-worth and self-esteem. ALL individuals with autism can be taught to contribute at some level. Do make sure your child has opportunities to do so.
  4. Watch out for seizures. One of every four teenagers with ASD will develop seizures during puberty. Although the exact reason is not known, this seizure activity may be due to hormonal changes in the body. For many the seizures are small and sub-clinical, and are typically not detected by simple observation. Some signs that a teen may be experiencing sub-clinical seizures include making little or no academic gains after doing well during childhood and preteen years, losing behavioral and/or cognitive gains, or exhibiting behavior problems such as self injury, aggression and severe tantruming. (Read my post about a useful book here).
  5. Talk to your child about his/her changing body. Imagine how scary it must be to realize your body is going through some strange metamorphosis, you don’t know why and there is nothing you can do about it. Whether your child has Asperger’s Syndrome and has sat through hygiene classes at school, or he is more impacted by autism and you’re not sure how much he understands, it is important to discuss the changing male and female body in a simple way he can understand. Otherwise, your teen may be overly anxious and agitated when she starts menstruating or when he has wet dreams. Visuals that include photos or drawings and simple words may be helpful, especially at the beginning. Be concrete and don’t overwhelm – this is certainly not a one-time talk!
  6. Masturbation: a fact of life. Let’s face it; masturbation is a normal activity that almost all teenagers engage in. Once discovered, it is an activity hard to stop, especially for individuals who enjoy self-stimulatory activities and can be obsessive compulsive, as are many people on the autism spectrum. The best approach is teaching your teen that this is a private activity to be done only in private at home, in a designated place such as his bedroom.
  7. Relationships and sexuality: topics that need to be discussed. Sexuality is a topic that most parents are not comfortable discussing with their children, even their neurotypical teens. However, it is necessary to talk to your teen on the spectrum about sex and the many types of relationships that exist between people. It is naïve of parents to think that because their child has autism s/he won’t need this information. Teens talk, and invariably your child will be hearing about it from their NT peers at school. Whatever the functioning level of your child, he needs to be taught about appropriate/inappropriate greetings, touch and language when interacting with members of the opposite or same sex. Don’t leave this important part of his social-emotional development to locker room education.
  8. Self-regulation is important for life as an adult. An important skill for every teen to learn is the ability to control his or her reactions to emotional feelings and sensory overload. Hopefully, by the time they are teens your child or student has learned to recognize their feelings and impending emotional or sensory overload, and ways to handle the situation. In school this could mean practicing self-calming techniques or signaling to the aide or teacher they need a break and having a ‘safe place’ or quiet room to go to. At home, teens should have their own quiet spot to retreat to when overwhelmed. And parents: respect their need to do so!
  9. Self-esteem is the foundation for success. While children are young, start building this foundation by emphasizing strengths rather than weaknesses. If your child with ASD, no matter what his age, has low self-esteem pay attention to the messages he is receiving from people around him at home, at school and in the community. In all likelihood, the message he is hearing is that he can’t do anything right. Teens need to be told when they are acting, responding and communicating appropriately, as well as that their (considerable) efforts to do so are appreciated. Where there are challenges, it is up to us, as the adults in their lives, to help them find strategies to be effective. Teens can be at high risk for depression. Parents should ensure their teen knows they are valued and loved under all circumstances, not just when they ‘get it right.’
  10. Self-advocacy is required for independence. Eventually your teen will be living away from home and will not be under your protection. He needs to know how to speak up for himself. Start this training while he is in school. IDEA 2004 mandates that students be invited to participate in transition planning and this supportive environment can be good ‘training ground.’ Make sure your teen is aware of his strengths and weaknesses and how he is different from others. In this way the teen can gain a real-life understanding of areas he may need to improve upon or that require assistance from others, and areas in which he is proficient, or that are his strong points to build upon.
  11. Bullying is a serious problem and should be treated as such. Bullying can range from verbal taunts to physical encounters. At any level it is not an individual problem, but a school problem. Unless your child’s school strongly enforces a no-bullying policy from the principal on down, your teen may have a difficult time. Teens on the spectrum are poor at picking up social cues, understanding ulterior motives, sarcasm, and predicting behaviors in others. As such, they unknowingly put themselves in unsafe situations. At other times their unconventional grooming or dress, often stilted language and rule-bound obsessions can render them targeted victims. Ensure your teen learns the meaning of non-verbal behaviors and the hidden curriculum (i.e. the unstated rules in social situations). Enlist the help of a neurotypical teen or sibling when shopping for clothes or getting a new hairstyle so your teen has at least a semblance of ‘fitting in’ with his peer group.
  12. The Individualized Transition Plan (ITP) is your teenager’s business plan for the future. Second only to the early intervention years, the transition years in high school are the most important years in your child’s educational life. Skills your teen needs to learn to survive and thrive as an adult, in adult settings, should be the focus of this time in school. The ITP, mandated through federal special education law, is the roadmap for your teen’s future. Once your child graduates or ages out of high school, mandated services are few and programs have waiting lists that extend into years. Spend time (and include your child as much as possible) thinking about what he wants to be doing when high school ends, and 5-10 years from now. Then plan how he will get there and what skills will be needed. This “futures planning” should drive the goals written into his IEP.
  13. Parents, you need to take time out for yourself; it’s good for your child too. With all the responsibilities you have as a parent of an adolescent on the spectrum, you need to take some time out for yourself. Whether it is a short break you take every day to go for a walk, exercise or engage in a favorite activity, or a weekly evening out with your significant other, you need to recharge your batteries. This is also positive modeling for your pre-teen and teen. It teaches that life can be stressful and overwhelming at times for all of us, and that we need to develop ways to manage our stress, and enjoy life, not just l

Just the other day I was looking around the house for Jeremy. I knocked on his bedroom door. He opened the door a crack, one of his Guitar World magazines in hand. I could hear Dave Matthews playing in the background. “Go away, Mom,” he said, and I did, with a little smile on my face. Jeremy is significantly impacted by his autism. Yet moments such as this remind me that he is first and foremost a teenager, with his own personality, his own wants and wishes. He’s on the road to becoming his own person, figuring things out in preparation for adulthood. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

For more information on Adolescence and Autism, sign up for my on-line course.

Everyday Autism Crap

“Nicely, kindly I need u to teach me to do my own crap.”

Such was  my son Jeremy’s response when I asked him recently in what ways we could best support him in moving towards being more independent and feeling ready for supported living. Just goes to show you that even when you are living with non-verbals you have to watch what you say. Not just in choosing your vocabulary, but also in what you complain about.

Jeremy has probably overhead me say more that a few times, “I’m so sick of this crap!” when looking at the piles of official paperwork that needs to be filled out, sent in, or filed. And the pile of stuff that just seems to accumulate everywhere if you don’t immediately recycle it or find another home for it.

So I’m not perfect (at least not when verbalizing at home). And Jeremy has been learning to do his own crap, just not enough of it. I guess we need to ante up his crap-load. Stay tuned!

 

Autism Life Skills: 10 Essential Abilities for Children with ASD

By Chantal Sicile-Kira      Editorial Note: This article originally appeared in Advocate Magazine in 2008

 

Teacher: “What are your greatest dreams about your future?”

Jeremy: “I want to have my own house with roommates, good friends,

a fun job and be learning.”

 

Teacher: “What are your greatest fears about your future?”

Jeremy: “That I will not have enough money.”

 

Teacher: “What barriers might get in the way of accomplishing your goals?”

Jeremy: “You know I need good helpers. I need people that respect my intelligence.”

-Interview with Jeremy Sicile-Kira

Transition Year 2007-08

With two teenagers who will soon be out of school, there has been much reflection and soul searching taking place in my home lately as to whether or not we’ve made the right decisions as parents over the years. Rebecca, our  neurotypical teenager, has just started driving and is becoming more independent. In hindsight, there is not much I would do differently if we had to start raising her all over again.

My thoughts concerning Jeremy, our 19-year-old son with autism, are somewhat  different. Those who have seen him on the MTV True Life segment “I Have Autism” will remember his can-do spirit and his determination to connect with other people, but also how challenged he is by his autism. Obviously, there are many more options available to help people like Jeremy today than when he was a baby. Over the last few years, as we considered how to best prepare Jeremy for the adult life he envisioned, I wondered what we could have or should have done differently when he was younger.

This led me to think: What would today’s adults on the autism spectrum point to as the most  important factors in their lives while they were growing up? What has made the most impact on their lives as adults in terms of how they were treated and what they were taught as children? What advice did they have to offer on how we could help the children of today? I decided to find out. I interviewed a wide-range of people—some considered by neurotypical standards as “less able,” “more able” and in-between; some who had been diagnosed as children; and some diagnosed as adults.

The result of these conversations and e-mails became the basis of my latest book, Autism Life Skills: From Communication and Safety to Self-Esteem and More—10 Essential Abilities Your Child Needs and Deserves to Learn (Penguin, October 2008). Although some areas discussed seemed obvious on the surface, many conversations gave me the “why” as to the challenges they faced, which led to discussions about what was and was not helpful to them. No matter the differences in their perceived ability levels, the following 10 skill areas were important to all.

Sensory Processing

Making sense of the world is what most adults conveyed to me as the most frustrating area they struggled with as children, and that impacted every aspect of their lives: relationships, communication, self-awareness, safety and so on. Babies and toddlers learn about the world around them through their senses. If these are not working properly and are not in synch, they acquire a distorted view of the world around them and also of themselves.

Most parents and educators are familiar with how auditory and visual processing challenges can impede learning in the classroom. Yet, for many, sensory processing difficulties are a lot more complicated and far reaching. For example, Brian King, a licensed clinical social worker who has Asperger’s, explains that body and spatial awareness are difficult for him because the part of his brain that determines where his body is in space (propioception) does not communicate with his vision. This means that when he walks he has to look at the ground because otherwise he would lose his sense of balance.

Donna Williams, Ph.D., bestselling author and self-described “Artie Autie,” had extreme sensory processing challenges as a child and still has some, but to a lesser degree. Donna talks about feeling a sensation in her stomach area, but not knowing if it means her stomach hurts because she is hungry or if her bladder is full. Other adults mention that they share the same problem, especially when experiencing sensory overload in crowded, noisy areas. Setting their cell phones to ring every two hours to  prompt them to use the restroom helps them to avoid embarrassing situations.

Many adults found it difficult to tolerate social situations. Some adults discussed how meeting a new person could be overwhelming—a different voice, a different smell and a different visual stimulus—meaning that difficulties with social relationships were not due simply to communication, but encompassed the total sensory processing experience. This could explain why a student can learn effectively or communicate with a familiar teacher or paraprofessional, but not a new one.

The most helpful strategy was knowing in advance where they were going, who they were going to see and what was going to happen, so that they could anticipate and prepare themselves for the sensory aspects of their day. Other strategies included changing their diet, wearing special lenses, having a sensory diet (activities done on a regular basis to keep from experiencing sensory overload), undergoing auditory and vision therapy, as well as desensitization techniques.

Communication

The ability to communicate was the second most important area of need cited by adults. All people need a form of communication to express their needs, in order to have them met. If a child does not have an appropriate communication system, he or she will learn to communicate through behavior (screaming or throwing a tantrum in order to express pain or frustration), which may not be appropriate, but can be effective. Sue Rubin, writer and star of the documentary “Autism is a World,” is a non-verbal autistic college student and disability advocate. She often speaks about the impact of communication on behavior. She shares that as she learned to type she was able to explain to others what was causing her behaviors and to get help in those areas. In high school, typing allowed her to write her own social stories and develop her own behavior plans. As her communication skills increased, her inappropriate behaviors decreased.

Those with Asperger’s and others on the more functionally able end of the spectrum may have more subtle communication challenges, but these are just as important for surviving in a neurotypical world. Many tend to have trouble reading body language and understanding implied meanings and metaphors, which can lead to frustration and misunderstanding. Michael Crouch, the college postmaster at the Crown College of the Bible in Tennessee, credits girls with helping him develop good communication skills. Some of his areas of difficulty were speaking too fast or too low, stuttering and poor eye contact. When he was a teenager, five girls at his church encouraged him to join the choir and this experience helped him overcome some of his difficulties. Having a group of non-autistic peers who shared his interests and provided opportunities for modeling and practicing good communication skills helped Michael become the accomplished speaker he is today.

Safety

Many on the spectrum had strong feelings about the issue of safety. Many remember not having a notion of safety when little, and putting themselves in unsafe situations due to sensory processing challenges. These challenges prevented them from feeling when something was too hot or too cold, if an object was very sharp or from “seeing” that it was too far to jump from the top of a jungle gym to the ground below.

Many adults described feeling terrified during their student years, and shared the fervent hope that with all the resources and knowledge we now have today’s students would not suffer as they had.  Practically all recounted instances of being bullied. Some said they had been sexually or physically abused, though some did not even realize it at the time. Others described how their teacher’s behaviors contributed directly or indirectly to being bullied. For example, Michael John Carley, Executive Director of GRASP and author of Asperger’s From the Inside Out, recalls how his teachers made jokes directed at him during class, which encouraged peer disrespect and led to verbal bullying outside the classroom.

A school environment that strictly enforced a no-tolerance bullying policy would have been extremely helpful, according to these adults. Sensitizing other students as to what autism is, teaching the child on the spectrum about abusive behavior, and  providing him/her with a safe place and safe person to go to at school would have helped as well. Teaching them the “hidden curriculum,” so they could have understood what everyone else picked up by osmosis would have given them a greater understanding of the social world and made them less easy prey.

Self-Esteem

Confidence in one’s abilities is a necessary precursor to a happy adult life. It is clear that those who appear self-confident and have good self-esteem tend to have had a few things in common while growing up. The most important factor was parents or caretakers who were accepting of their child, yet expected them to reach their potential and sought out ways to help them. Kamran Nazeer, author of Send in the Idiots: Stories from the Other Side of Autism, explains that having a relationship with an adult who was more neutral and not as emotionally involved as a parent is important as well. Parents naturally display a sense of expectations, while a teacher, mentor or a therapist can be supportive of a child and accepting of his/her behavioral and social challenges. Relationships with non-autistic peers, as well as autistic peers who share the same challenges were also important to developing confidence.

Pursuing Interests

This is an area that many people on the spectrum are passionate about. For many, activities are purpose driven or interest driven, and the notion of doing something just because it feels good, passes the time of day or makes you happy is not an obvious one. Zosia Zaks, author of Life and Love: Positive Strategies for Autistic Adults, told me that, as a child, she had no idea that she was supposed to be “having fun”—that there were activities that people participated in just for fun. It was one of those things about neurotypical living that no one ever explained to her.

As students, some of these adults were discouraged from following their obsessive  (positive translation: passionate) interest. Others were encouraged by parents and teachers who understood the value of using their interest to help them learn or develop a job skill. For example, when he was little, author and advocate Stephen Shore used to take apart and put together his timepieces. Years later, this interest was translated into paid work repairing bicycles at a bike store.

Self-Regulation

Respondents believed this is a necessary skill for taking part in community life. Many children on the spectrum suffer from sensory overload. It can also be difficult for them to understand what they are feeling and how to control their emotional response. Dena Gassner, MSW, who was diagnosed as an adult, believes it is necessary for children to be able to identify their “triggers” and that parents and educators should affirm to the child that whatever he or she is feeling is important. Even if it does not make sense to the adult, whatever the child is feeling is true for him or her. Various methods can be used to help them become more self-aware over time, to recognize when they are approaching sensory or emotional overload and to communicate the need for a break. As they get older, giving them more responsibility for scheduling their own breaks and choosing their own appropriate coping strategy can be very empowering.

Independence

Independence is an important goal, but may take longer than expected. Zosia Zaks told me that parents of children with autism need to realize and accept that they will be parenting for a lot longer than parents of neurotypical children. She has a point, but I never thought I’d still be discussing certain self-care issues when my son was old enough to vote. For many that I interviewed, some skill acquisition came later in life, and many are still improving themselves and their essential skills. This is nice to know because so often, as parents and educators, we hear about the “windows of opportunity” in terms of age and can become discouraged by our own inner cynics and other well-meaning doubters (“If they haven’t learned by now….”).

When discussing self-sufficiency, many stated that the two greatest challenges were executive functioning  (being able to get and stay organized) and sensory processing. Doing chores and establishing routines helped some as children to learn organizational skills and responsibility—two essential foundations for self-sufficiency.

Social Relationships

Relationships are important to all human beings, but are difficult for many on the spectrum. The adults I communicated with make it clear they enjoy having relationships, including those who are mostly non-verbal, such as Sue Rubin and D.J. Savarese (who wrote the last chapter of Reasonable People). However, understanding the concept of different types of relationships and knowing the appropriate behaviors and conversations expected does not come naturally, and can be magnified for those who are non-verbal.

Many adults, such as Dena Gassner and Zosia Zaks, discussed the importance of teaching children interdependence skills—how to ask for help, how to approach a store clerk, how to network as they get older. For them, interdependence did not come as easily as it does for neurotypicals. Yet, asking people for assistance—what aisle the cookies are located in, the name of a plumber when your sink is stopped up, letting people know you are looking for a job or apartment—is how social and community life functions.

Self-Advocacy

Effective self-advocacy entails a certain amount of disclosure. All of the adults I spoke with believed that children should be told about their diagnosis in a positive manner. Michael John Carley, who was diagnosed following the diagnosis of his son, says he always felt different than others. Getting a diagnosis was liberating because then he knew why he felt different. On the topic of disclosure to others, some believe in full disclosure to all, while others choose to disclose only the area of difficulty.

Like many her age, Kassiane Alexandra Sibley, who wrote a chapter of the book Ask and Tell,  was improperly diagnosed before discovering at age 18 that she had an autism spectrum disorder. She had to learn self-advocacy skills the hard way. Like many I spoke with, Kassiane believes that teaching children when they are young to speak up for themselves is the most important gift we can give them.

Earning a Living

This is an issue of major concern for many on the spectrum. Some of the adults I spoke with struggled for years before finding an area in which they could work. The life skills discussed earlier in this article impact tremendously on a person’s ability to find, get and keep a job. Many people on the spectrum continue to be unemployed or underemployed, which means we need to rethink our approach in how we are transitioning our youth from being students to being contributing members of society.

Temple Grandin, who co-authored the book Developing Talents, says that parents should help their children develop their natural talents and that young people need mentors to give them guidance and valuable experience. Authors John Elder Robinson (Look Me in the Eye) and Daniel Tammet (Born on a Blue Day) both credit their Asperger’s for giving them the talents on which they have based their successful businesses. For those whose talents are less obvious, a look at the community they live in and the service needs that exist there can be an option for creating an opportunity to earn money.  My son Jeremy and his teacher created a sandwich-delivery business and a flower business on his high school campus as part of his work experience. Customized employment, including self-employment, is an option that, with careful planning and implementation, can be a solution for some.

In retrospect, there are different choices I could have made  in raising and educating Jeremy these past 19 years. However, after conversations and e-mails with many  different adults on the spectrum, I have concluded that there is one factor I would not have changed, the formula I used for providing a solid foundation for both of my children: Take equal parts love, acceptance and expectation, and mix well.

 

Growing Up With Autism

Teenagers and young adults are the emerging face of autism as the disorder continues to challenge science and unite determined families.

By Barbara Kantrowitz and Julie Scelfo

Newsweek

Nov. 27, 2006 issue – Chicken and potatoes. Chicken and potatoes. Danny Boronat wants chicken and potatoes. He
asks for it once, twice … 10 times. In the kitchen of the family’s suburban New Jersey home, Danny’s mother,
Loretta, chops garlic for spaghetti sauce. No chicken and potatoes, she tells Danny. We’re having spaghetti. But
Danny wants chicken and potatoes. Chicken and potatoes. His 12-year-old sister, Rosalinda, wanders in to remind her
mother about upcoming basketball tryouts. His brother Alex, 22, grabs some tortilla chips and then leaves to check
scores on ESPN. His other brother Matthew, 17, talks about an upcoming gig with his band. Danny seems not to
notice any of this. “Mom,” he asks in a monotone, “why can’t we have chicken and potatoes?” If Danny were a
toddler, his behavior would be nothing unusual. But Danny Boronat is 20 years old. “That’s really what life with autism
is like,” says Loretta. “I have to keep laughing. Otherwise, I would cry.”

Autism strikes in childhood, but as thousands of families like the Boronats have learned—and thousands more are
destined to learn—autism is not simply a childhood disorder. Two decades into the surge of diagnoses that has made
autism a major public health issue, a generation of teenagers and young adults is facing a new crisis: what happens
next?

As daunting as that question may be, it’s just the latest in the endless chain of challenges that is life for the dedicated
parents of children with autism. Twenty years ago, they banded together—largely out of desperation—to raise
awareness of a once rarely diagnosed, often overlooked disease. They are united by the frustration of dealing with a
condition that has no known cause and no cure. They have lobbied passionately to get better education for their kids
and more money for research into autism, a neurological disorder characterized by language problems, repetitive
behaviors and difficulty with social interaction. At the same time, more sophisticated epidemiology has revealed the
true magnitude of the problem. Autism is now estimated to affect from one in 500 to one in 166 children—or as many
as 500,000 Americans under 21, most male. That includes individuals with a wide range of abilities—from socially
awkward math whizzes to teens who aren’t toilet trained—but who all fit on what scientists now consider a spectrum
of autism disorders.

The culmination of much of this parental activism is the Combating Autism Act, which was pushed by a collection of
advocacy groups like Cure Autism Now, led by Hollywood producer Jon Shestack and his wife, Portia Iverson; Autism
Speaks, started by Bob Wright, CEO and chairman of NBC Universal, and the Deirdre Imus Environmental Center for
Pediatric Oncology. The bill unanimously passed the U.S. Senate in August but was blocked in the House by Texas
Republican Joe Barton, chair of the House Committee on Energy and Commerce. In a September meeting, Barton told
autism activists that he would continue to oppose their legislation, which earmarks $945 million for research over the
next five years, because it conflicted with his own proposal to reform the National Institutes of Health. As a result,
autism advocates began inundating him with faxes and phone calls and lambasting him in the press. To advance the
cause of research, radio host Don Imus joined in and pressured Barton on the air, calling the congressman, among
other things, “a lying, fat little skunk from Texas.”

Now that the Democrats have won the House, Barton will lose his chairmanship in January and NEWSWEEK has
learned that he is attempting to pass a compromise version of the bill before then. If passed, the House bill would
fund a new push for early diagnosis, which is critical to starting therapy as soon as possible. In a particular victory for
parents, the legislation specifies that the research oversight committee should include at least one person with autism
and a parent of a child with autism.

The House bill authorizes money for research into many questions, including whether environmental factors may
trigger autism. One point of contention: the Senate bill mandated a specific amount of money for the NIH to research
the role environmental factors might play in causing autism. But Barton resisted, and now the specificity about how
much should be spent and where has been lost in the compromise version. Still, a Barton bill could come up for a vote
as early as the first week in December and the legislation, says Alison Singer, the mother of a daughter with autism
and an executive at the advocacy group Autism Speaks, “is probably the single most important thing that could
happen besides the cure.”

A win in Washington may lift their spirits, but a legislative victory won’t really change much for the Boronats and
others like them. Some kids have made dramatic progress after intensive physical and behavioral therapy; many
others still struggle with basic activities. Often, when lower-functioning young people reach 18, their parents will
establish legal guardianship to protect them. But no matter what level they’ve reached, many will need help for the
rest of their lives. Most government-sponsored educational and therapeutic services stop at the age of 21, and there
are few residential facilities and work programs geared to the needs of adults with autism. “Once they lose the
education entitlement and become adults, it’s like they fall off the face of the earth” as far as government services are
concerned, says Lee Grossman, president and CEO of the Autism Society of America, a major national-advocacy
group.

According to the Harvard School of Public Health, it can cost about $3.2 million to care for a person with autism over a
lifetime. Caring for all persons with autism costs an estimated $35 billion per year, the same study says. Families with
limited financial resources are particularly hard hit. Other chronic diseases like diabetes are covered by insurance. But
parents of youngsters with autism “have to navigate a maze and, if they find providers, then they have to figure out
how to pay for it,” says Singer. Grossman’s early wish for the Combating Autism Act was that it would address the
dire needs of autistic adults, and he drafted 30 pages of service-related issues. But that part was never introduced
because a consortium of activists working on the bill concluded, for the sake of political expediency, that the bill
shouldn’t try to take on too much. In this light, restraint seems especially critical now, when the Iraq war has
siphoned off so much federal money. “It’s like a forest fire running through science and it burns a lot of trees down,”
says Dan Geschwind, a UCLA neurogeneticist. However, advocacy groups vow that the moment the bill passes,
government funding for adult services will become their next priority. Wright believes there is substantial
congressional support for this, possibly from Sen. Hillary Clinton.

Moving through adolescence to adulthood is never easy, but autism transforms even the most routine activities into
potential minefields. Recognizing the norms of teen behavior can be a Sisyphean task. Helen Motokane’s daughter,
Christine, 14, has Asperger’s syndrome, a high-functioning form of the disorder. She struggles to fit in at her Los
Angeles public school—and that means hiding parts of her true self. One secret: she loves Barbie. “She knows it’s not
cool to wear clothes with Barbie logos, so she tries to keep that at home,” says Helen, who gently prods her daughter
into developing more mature interests. “She says, ‘You’re trying to make me grow up, aren’t you? You want me to do
all these things right away.’ I go, ‘No, no, no.’ I reassure her that we’re not trying to push her.” But an hour or two
later, her mother says, Christine will ask, “Is it OK if I like Disney Princess even though other kids my age don’t like
it?”

Keri Bowers of Thousand Oaks, Calif., says her son, Taylor Cross, 17, seems perfectly normal at first. But sometimes
he’ll just blurt out what he’s thinking without any internal censorship. Passing a stranger on the street, he might say,
“You’re in a wheelchair!” “When you’re socially odd, people are afraid,” Bowers says. “They want to get away from you
and cross to the other side of the street.” Not surprisingly, Taylor had no friends at all in the public school he attends
until he began to meet other teens with autism—young people his mother describes as equally “quirky.”
In one way, he’s not quirky at all. “He’s attracted to girls,” Bowers says, “but he’s shy. He doesn’t really know how to
talk to them.” A few months ago, he asked out a girl from his school who does not have autism but who had been
friendly to him. Bowers had a psychologist friend shadow the couple at the movies. “Taylor only spoke about subjects
he was interested in,” Bowers says. “He wouldn’t do a reciprocal back-and-forth conversation on topics about her.”
Still, when Bowers later asked if he wanted to kiss the girl, Taylor surprised his mother with his sensitivity. “He said,
‘Yes, but she’s very religious and I would never do that’.”

As young people with autism approach adulthood, some parents can’t help but feel the huge gaps between their
child’s lives and others the same age. “It’s very hard, especially in our competitive society where people strive for
perfection,” says Chantal Sicile-Kira, whose son, Jeremy, 17, can communicate only by pointing to letters on an
alphabet board. The San Diego resident hosts “The Real World of Autism With Chantal” on the Autism One Radio
Internet station and wrote “Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum” (Penguin, 2006). Like many youngsters with autism,
Jeremy finds new environments difficult. “If he walks into a new store,” his mother says, “and there’s horrendous
fluorescent lighting, within 10 minutes I’ll look down and he’s starting to wet himself.” Despite such challenges, Sicile-
Kira plans to help Jeremy live on his own when he’s an adult—perhaps rooming with another young person with
autism.

Independent living is a major goal of many families and, with the help of therapy, thousands of youngsters who in
earlier generations would have been consigned to institutions are now going to college and looking forward to a
normal life with a job. But for every one who makes it, there are many more young people like Danny Boronat, who
has come so far and yet still faces much uncertainty. Once unable to utter a sentence, Danny now reads at a secondgrade
level, competes in the Special Olympics and willingly takes on household chores like loading the dishwasher.
But he also can spend hours playing with water. He picks obsessively at his cuticles, and sometimes cuts himself (his
mother tries to hide any scissors in the house). He has no close friends. Next year he’ll turn 21 and will no longer be
eligible for the workshop where he does simple assembly-line work three days a week. After that? No one knows, not
even his parents. “It’s terrifying,” says his mother, who started her own charity called DannysHouse to focus on
adults.

A few states like California and Connecticut, newly aware of the crisis, have launched efforts to meet adult needs. But
until programs are widely available, families are left to cobble together a patchwork of solutions—from informal day
care to hourly caretakers to private residential programs. But these are stopgap measures. Parents worry that they
will run out of money to pay for these services—and that they won’t be around forever to arrange them for their
children.

It’s understandable that these parents would feel distraught. Many adults with autism require so much special care
that it’s hard to imagine anyone but a loving family member willing to provide it. “My wife and I are concerned about
what’s going to happen to our son when we pass on,” says Lee Jorwic, whose son Christopher, 17, is unable to speak
even though he’s been in therapy since childhood. At 6 feet 4 inches and 290 pounds, Christopher is “our gentle
giant,” his father says. But because of his disabilities, even the most routine tasks require extraordinary preparations.
Two years ago, for example, Christopher got an eye infection. He couldn’t sit still long enough for the doctor to
perform an exam so he had to go under anesthesia twice “just so the guy could look in his eye,” his father says.
Grossman says the Autism Society gets hundreds of calls every day from families like the Jorwics. “The most
distressing, most disheartening, are from parents of older kids, parents who are at the end of life,” he says. “They’ve
been fighting this all their life, and they don’t have a place for the kid after they die.”

The natural successors to parents as caretakers would be siblings. Some families feel that’s too much of a burden;
others say that’s a natural part of life in a family with autism. When one sibling has autism, the needs of so-called
neurotypical children may seem to come second. Beth Eisman of Potomac, Md., recently sent her oldest daughter,
Melanie, 18, off to college. Her goal for her younger daughter, Dana, 16, is more basic: independence. Dana’s
tantrums limited the family’s participation in Melanie’s school activities. “The old days were pretty bad,” Eisman says.
“Melanie often took the brunt of it.” Now that Melanie is gone, Dana feels the loss. Eisman says Dana often goes into
her sister’s room and says, “I want Melanie.”

Many families are sustained knowing that, by raising awareness of autism, they have already given their children the
gift of a meaningful identity. “If this was 10 years ago, my daughter’s classmates might say she’s the one who talks to
herself all the time and flaps her hands,” says Roy Richard Grinker, an anthropologist at George Washington
University and father of Isabel, 15. “But if you ask these kids in 2006 about Isabel, they say she’s the one who plays
the cello and who’s smart about animals.” Inspired by his daughter, Grinker explored autism in different cultures for
his book “Unstrange Minds: Remapping the World of Autism” (Basic Books, 2007). “The more peers of the same age
group understand about autism, the more likely they are to be kind, caring and integrate them into community life.”

Twenty years ago, that kind of acceptance was inconceivable. Autism was considered rare and few physicians
understood it or were able to help. The disorder was first identified by Leo Kanner of Johns Hopkins in 1943. About the
same time a German scientist, Hans Asperger, described a less severe form of the condition. But with the ascendancy
of psychoanalysis in the postwar years, the predominant view was that autism was a psychological disorder caused by
a lack of love from “refrigerator mothers,” a term introduced by the controversial psychologist Bruno Bettelheim. In
the 1970s, parents started pushing back against this theory and encouraging researchers to look for neurological
causes. It wasn’t until 1980 that autism became an official clinical diagnosis, separate from childhood schizophrenia or
retardation. Since that time, as scientists have learned more, they have broadened the diagnosis to include a
spectrum of disabilities. Now, they are re-evaluting it even further, considering the idea that there may be multiple
“autisms.”

As knowledge about autism spread in the 1990s, families began to get more accurate diagnoses for children who
might in the past have been labeled mentally retarded or emotionally disturbed, and the number of cases
skyrocketed. Because of the Internet and extensive networking, parents around the country found allies and became
powerful and articulate advocates. Even longtime autism researchers say families have really led the way. “Beyond
raising awareness,” says Dr. Thomas Insel, director of the National Institute of Mental Health, “families have become
the real experts on this disorder. They have to figure out how to cope with a child who becomes explosive, disruptive,
who could have a meltdown at any moment. They become highly skilled at knowing what helps.”

Autism has set all these families on a unique journey and, while the road ahead is still unclear, they cherish small
triumphs along the way. Grinker has a Ph.D. from Harvard and, in his community, many parents dream of sending
their children to the Ivy League. He and his wife, Joyce, a psychiatrist, know that Isabel will never join them. But
raising Isabel has its own rewards. Isabel’s sister, Olivia, 13, is “like a third parent,” says Grinker. The family judges
Isabel not by the standards of others but by how far she has come. “When Isabel achieves something, I feel like we’re
a team, like we all did it, and I feel incredibly rewarded,” he says. For now, that is enough.

With Karen Springen and Mary Carmichael
URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15792805/site/newsweek/from/ET/
© 2006 MSNBC.com