More Than Just Coping: Empowerment Strategies for Parents

Jeremy Sicile-Kira - then

Jeremy Sicile-Kira – then

Yesterday I presented at IEP Day (Involved Exceptional Parents’ Day Conference) in San Diego. I  promised to post some information here for participants, so they could easily access some links to free information. Feel free to pass this to other parents who need the information.

As a parent of a newly diagnosed child with special needs, it is not always easy. As we discussed yesterday, you may be feeling very emotional and upset, and that is normal. Remember, you are not alone. Many parents have been there before, and joining support groups with parents can be very helpful. You can share information.

Remember, you may be eligible for services and sometimes things go smoothly, sometimes they do not, and every school district is different. You will have to learn to be an advocate for your child. Knowing your rights is important. You will get services based on facts, not emotions.

In each state, there is information available for free to help you know your rights and responsibilities as a parent of a child with a disability, or a person with a disability. In some states it is called Protection and Advocacy; in California it is Disability Rights California   http://www.disabilityrightsca.org.

There is a lot of information on that website, and great publications you can read on different rights and responsibilities you have. For example, If you want information as a parent of a child who receives special education services, click on “Publications and Resources” at the top http://www.disabilityrightsca.org/pubs/PublicationsIndex.htm.   You can see the list of publications that explain in simple language what the laws mean. If English is not your native language, you can click on the language you want to read the document in (Spanish, Korean, etc). You want to read “The Special Education Rights and Responsibilities (SERR) in regards to special education.

Here is a series of blogposts I wrote specifically for parents of newly diagnosed children. This information is from my newly revised book, Autism Spectrum Disorder (2014). Although the book is specifically geared towards autism, the advice in the blogposts below is true for any new parent of a special needs child, especially # 1 and # 4.

1.  Advice for Parents of Newly Diagnosed Children with Autism http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-autism-advocate/201402/advice-parents-newly-diagnosed-children-autism

2.  New to Autism? Where to Go for Information http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-autism-advocate/201402/new-autism-where-go-information

3.  Newly Diagnosed Child With Autism? First Steps for Parents http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-autism-advocate/201402/newly-diagnosed-child-autism-first-steps-parents

4.   Parents New to Autism: More First Steps to Take http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-autism-advocate/201402/parents-new-autism-more-first-steps-take

You may also wish to sign up to receive free occasional newsletters from my website  AutismCollege.com – scroll down the home page.

If you want to see my son Jeremy’s commencement speech to hear his words, you will find it here: Autism: Transition to Adulthood: Jeremy Sicile-Kira’s High School Commencement Speech.

Even if your child cannot speak, it does not mean he or she does not understand. Speak in whatever language you are comfortable in. Research shows that hearing two languages does not impede understanding. Just be consistent in using the same language.

Remember: your child is different – but not less! Tell your child everyday that you love him or her. Read to your child, sing to your child. You are connecting with your child, and that is the most important ‘therapy’ in the world. Over time you will see that you are learning as much from him or her as your child is learning from you. never give up on your child!

Jeremy Sicile-Kira - now

Jeremy Sicile-Kira – now

What Does your Kid Want to Be When He or She Grows Up? Options Available at FRED Conference

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Every child has dreams and every parent wants to help them come true – and parents of children who are different (but not less) are no different. Only thing is, we need to be looking at options and working together to create some where none exist.

That’s why the national FRED conference is so important. Meeting other like-minded people to create a future worth dreaming about is empowering. And it is never too early to start. Last year, Jeremy contributed on a panel and this year it’s my turn.  There will be panels on housing models, employment, safety and well-being, and self-care (for the parents – we need to take care of ourselves, too!)

FRED 2014 is taking place Friday March 28 and Saturday March 29, at the LAX Marriott in Los Angeles. For more information about the experts (including many self-advocates) donating their time wisdom, experience and hope, visit www.FREDconference.org. I’m counting on seeing you there!

Meanwhile, enjoy this announcement from FRED about this year’s FRED Pioneer Award Winner, Kevin McGuire.

AbleRoad Founder and Disability Rights Leader Named as FRED Pioneer Award Winner

Manhattan Beach, Calif. — February 27, 2014 — Today the FRED Conference announced that Kevin McGuire is the 2014 recipient of the FRED Pioneer Award. This award is given to the individual or organization that best embodies innovation and advancement in the field of disability rights.

The FRED nomination committee selected Kevin McGuire in recognition of his pioneering work launching AbleRoad, the most comprehensive website and app designed to connect people with accessible places, and for his lifelong impact in the disabilities field. Kevin McGuire will receive the award in Los Angeles on March 28th when he serves as the FRED Conference keynote speaker.

“We are very proud to have Kevin McGuire as this year’s winner. He is a role model for so many in the disability community, both personally and professionally”, said FRED Director Mari-Anne Kehler. “Kevin has led by example to show that disabilities are not limitations, and that with vision and hard work anyone can succeed, and exceed, in life. He is a real visionary and true pioneer.”

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AbleRoad is a website and a smartphone app that allows users to review any public space – from restaurants and theaters to parks, hospitals and concert venues – and rate it for how well it accommodates people with disabilities or those with medical conditions. Users can upload photos and leave detailed reviews for others to read, allowing people with disabilities, their friends and caregivers to research whether a certain business or place is accessible, and to choose the places they want to patronize. AbleRoad also helps businesses understand the challenges their location may pose to those who use a wheelchair or have other mobility, vision, hearing or cognitive disabilities, and persuade them to make changes to improve their accessibility.

McGuire is also CEO and Founder of McGuire Associates, Inc., the nation’s leading consulting firm specializing in compliance with disability laws. His clients include high profile venues such as the Staples Center and Gillette Stadium. He has produced an ADA customer service training video for frontline employees, and a training video on how to evacuate people with disabilities from buildings during emergencies, which have been sold worldwide. He has used a wheelchair since age 7, when an intoxicated driver struck him. He has recently written a novel, PATRICK, based on his experiences growing up as a wheelchair user.

This is the second annual FRED Pioneer Award. Last year’s recipient was Pegi Young, who along with her husband, rocker Neil Young, founded The Bridge School for students with disabilities.

About FRED Conference: FRED is the premier organization to galvanize leaders focused to advance and enhance the futures of adults with disabilities. FRED is dedicated to the idea that all individuals deserve to live their passions, and determine their choice of the future they live. FRED brings top thinkers: experts, families, and self-advocates, together to share leading practices and accelerate approaches to building those futures. www.FREDconference.org

Pace Yourself

In the 1992 movie, Death Becomes Her, an aging actress (Meryl Streep) and her longtime novelist rival (Goldie Hawn) battle over the love of a plastic surgeon (Bruce Willis) as well as a magic potion that promises eternal youth.

As parents of  individuals with autism – many who still require our help and support as adults –  we may wish we had access to a magic potion that would keep us alive forever. But we wouldn’t want to end up like  Meryl and Goldie who after many years of life need paint and putty to cover their rotting flesh. And despite the potion,  they still can’t remember where they parked the car.

As parents, we need to learn to pace ourselves. At the beginning, after the diagnosis,  we are trying to do everything possible to help our child.  It’s  true that early intervention is important.

But it is also true that when you are a parent, you are in it for the long haul. Think of a marathon, not a 200 yard dash. Pace yourself accordingly. You’ll last longer, even without a magic potion.