Life’s Messiness : Here’s to a Dreamy 2013!

Real Life and It’s Messiness
by Jeremy Sicile-Kira

Last year at this time I posted a dream I had involving Johnny Depp (do I have your attention now?)  and my 2012 goals on my author website. I realize that reading about the dream was more interesting than reading about my goals.

However this year it’s my son, Jeremy, who is having all the interesting dreams,  and I’ve written my goals down, but not sharing them here today.

Instead, here’s a painting by Jeremy entitled  Real Life and it’s Messiness and what he has to say about it: “Justly I dreamt I painted the real messiness of life that my nice aunt Sara helped me to portray. Usually the greatness of life in my other paintings is portrayed by great layers of color, but here I painted paper mâché and rock salt. Nicely it is very true to life.”

One thing that will help your life be less messy  is to set some goals. Here is an interesting blog post and graphic entitled  We Suck at Setting Goals from the Education Database Online website that shares some research and tells you want you can do to set some successful goals in the new year.

Best wishes in setting goals to help you enjoy life’s messiness.

Finding a Friend in School

Contributed by Kim Davis from the Indiana Institute on Disability and Community

When a student is in school, academics are the main focus. However, one aspect of learning that is not given enough emphasis is community building and developing relationships/friendships; the social aspect of education. Social goals and building friendships are mentioned in school conferences but are seldom fully explored and many times a student’s support team thinks academic success is the key to future accomplishments in secondary education and employment as well as helping to provide for a rich social life. This idea needs rethinking.

Social development implies that more than one person is involved, and that there are interactions with others and that there is participation in an activity. We are all social beings and need interaction to continually learn and develop. In schools, the word “social” is often found in the Individualized Education Program (IEP) annual goals:

Main Goal: Johnny will improve his social skills
Obj. 1: He will say please and thank you,
Obj 2: He will sit with a peer to play a game for 20 minutes, and
Obj 3: He will cover his mouth if he coughs.

Those are useful social skills, but are they the only type of goals that should be written in an IEP? There are other opportunities in school for true ‘social’ situations. Surely, if one thinks hard enough, other options can be discovered.

There are many opportunities for social interactions at school that are often overlooked due to limited time and the focus on keeping things moving. However, with some planning these opportunities can become excellent chances to develop and enhance social exchanges. It is important to think creatively in order to build in new chances for relationships to develop. Elementary, middle, and high school offers chances for building social networks, friendships and communities. At the secondary grade levels, there are more varied options offered by the school. At the each level, an adult, acting as a facilitator, may be necessary to get the relationship going or to offer ongoing support. Consider the following options as places that a student on the autism spectrum and his/her peers can begin to develop meaningful relationships. Remember, every relationship starts slowly and then grows as people get to know one another. What everyone needs is the opportunity. Here are some ideas to consider:

Getting on and off the bus:
Instead of a parent driving a student to school, have the student ride the bus or even carpool with a neighbor or classmate. If they have to wait, a peer or peers could wait in line for the bus along with the student with ASD.

Before school:
The student should be where other students are in order to participate with them; such as hanging out with peers in the gym, cafeteria or hall instead of simply going to the classroom.

In the halls:
A peer buddy could walk with the student with ASD to the next class or to the library, gym or cafeteria. Sometimes the student might need to leave early to avoid hallway congestion which could cause sensory challenges.

Before class starts:
Peers could assist the student in prepping for class or simply chat until class begins, just like other students do.

Class breaks:
Going to the restroom, getting a drink or simply having some down time in class could all be supported by peers.

Group activities in class:
Anytime there are group activities be sure the student with ASD is included in a group that has peers who know him or her, and understand the strengths and gifts of that student.

Lunch:
Include the students with ASD with everyone else and use peer support instead of having them sitting alone or at the special education table.

Recess:
This time has been described by one boy with ASD as his “personal hell” due to bullying, not knowing what to do, or no one interacting with him. This is the perfect time to have peers interact and support the student with ASD. They can rotate around by doing a different activity of interest with the student or introducing a new activity.

After school activities: These will be different for each level. Elementary activities may be after school day care or extended day programs. These certainly offer opportunities for student on the spectrum to play with their peers. Other events tend to be done in the evening for the family.

Middle and high school offers a variety of activities that are immediately after school such as clubs, music, or sports events.

Music: Many schools have a music program at holiday time. Students should have the chance to participate in those singing and musical events so their families can know that joy. Perhaps they do not sing every number but instead ring a bell, tap a drum, or hold a prop. The student should be there as much as possible.

At the middle and high school level there are more musical options that become available. Learning to play an instrument and joining band begins in middle school. This can lead to other opportunities such as a concert band, marching band, jazz band or pep band for sporting events. There are also drum line groups. Orchestras would play concerts and also for musical plays.

One does not need to play an instrument to enjoy music. Middle and high schools also have choirs and choral groups that sing at school events and also compete.

Finally, if a student really enjoys music there is always the need for band boosters who provide support to the various music activities at schools.

Drama: A theatre program may be available at middle school but for sure is available at the high school level. There are different parts of putting on a play that a student may enjoy besides being an actor with a role. The other aspects include: creating the set, managing the sound, adjusting the lighting, setting up and moving set props, cueing the actors, and the designing and creating of the costumes. Each aspect involves a different skill and may tap the interests of the student with autism.

Clubs/Organizations: Schools have an abundance of extra- curricular organizations that could be fun for any individual with ASD based on his/her interests. The huge interest in certain books or movies often creates a place to begin exploring ideas.

Here is a sample listing:

Art Club
Best Buddies
Book Club
Chess Club
Brain Game/Quiz Bowl
Digital Arts Society
Foreign Language Club
Environmental Club
Habitat for Humanity Group
Year Book
Newspaper
Ping Pong Club
Poetry Club
Science Olympiad
Spell Bowl
Student Council
Swing Dance
Backpacking Club
Black Culture
Diversity Club
Ham Radio Club
Gothic Club
Photography Club
Ski Club
Speech and Debate
SADD
Computer Games Club
Yearbook

Once again, the interest area of the student should drive the club or organization that he joins. Each club meets on a regular basis and that increases the chance for developing meaningful relationships.

Sports: Finally, there are athletic events at both middle and high school levels. Both boys and girls athletics offer a wide variety of opportunities for interactions from participating on a team to being a member in some other fashion. Options include: managers, scorekeepers, time keepers, equipment caretakers, equipment room managers and a batboy or girl.

Here is a potential list of teams to consider. Each offers different opportunities for participation.

Baseball
Basketball
Football
Volleyball
Golf
Tennis
Softball
Soccer
Track
Swimming
Cross Country
Wrestling

Of course with athletics comes cheerleading, or pom squad opportunities. These groups are also a big part of middle and high school. Here someone could participate in cheering but also in creating posters or signs for the school, making announcements, posting announcements or posters or creating any other team spirit materials.

Truly, some of these options may be more challenging than others when it comes to creating meaningful social interactions. But it is worth looking at them all, even small and successful interactions can eventually grow into true friendships. Everything can start small and build from there. Consider the use of peers in each situation to simply begin the process of relationship building and helping your students with building a community based on interests and skills. Their life and the lives of his peers will be greatly enriched.

Davis, K. (2010). Finding a Friend in School. The Reporter, 15(4). Retrieved from http://www.iidc.indiana.edu/index.php!pageID=3280

 

 

Johnny Depp and My 2012 Goals

Someone I met recently commented that they noticed I had not posted a blog here since May 2011.  I can’t believe it’s been that long but  I’ve been busy co-authoring a book (yes, another autism book!).

But I’m back here today – because I woke up this morning from a really weird dream brought on by my daytime worries.  Even if the dream involved Johnny Depp (more on the dream, later),  obviously I am overwhelmed and stressed  – probably like many of you reading this. And I wanted to share something I hope will be helpful.

After I woke up from my dream (and got over the initial excitement of having visited with Johnny Depp while still in my own bed) I decided enough was enough, and that I had to start walking the talk I give autism parents about taking care of themselves.

So I decided to follow the advice of  Chris Brogan. I received an email describing how in the last few years Chris has skipped the tradition of creating New Year’s Resolutions (soon forgotten) and instead he  creates  three words that describe what he wants to focus on for the coming year.  I thought that was a great idea and could help my stress level.

Here are my three words: (none of which are Johnny or Depp):

Produce:  I have great ideas, and I follow through when there are clear-cut deadlines ( for a publisher or a speaking engagement), but my own professional projects (AutismCollege.com)  and  personal ones (exercise,  develop my personal relationships, mentor my autistic son Jeremy in reaching his life goals) don’t get completed in a timely fashion.  So this year, I will produce the projects I have identified as crucial and dear to my heart. Which takes me to my second word…

Flow: In order to have more time to produce, I need to eliminate distractions and clutter in all areas of my life. I’m interested in so many things and I easily get distracted so I am learning to have blinders like a racing horse does and focus on the finish line. Horses can still sense what they may not necessarily see, and I hope I have the same instincts when necessary.

Collaborate: Often I am so busy with outside deadlines that I don’t make the effort to spend time with people who I could effectively partner with to reach mutually beneficial professional and personal goals.  This year, I will focus on collaborating with like-minded people who have similar goals.

Hopefully, what I’ve shared is helpful to you. However, I know most of you just want to hear about my dream involving Johnny Depp (rated PG). So here it is:

I dreamt I was visiting my daughter, Rebecca, who was staying with a musician friend, helping him break into the music business. (Rebecca is a volunteer DJ at the UC Davis radio station).  Johnny Depp was staying there as well (big surprise!). While I’m there Johnny asks Rebecca to help him with the computer to hear an on-line training course that is discussing streams of income and sales funnels and handling your wealth.  I am nervous meeting Johnny, so I try to make conversation  about how Rebecca could use information  like that because she is having such a tough time finding a part time job (reality) while at college, and could use money, and as I continue talking I realize that I sound like I am asking Johnny Depp for money and for a job for Rebecca, which I am not. I’m just having a bad case of  foot in- mouth disease.  I feel really stupid. Only my daughter was more embarrassed than I was.  We climb into a small boat to reach the small stage where Rebecca’s musician friend is playing, and getting out of the boat I splash my husband’s best friend from New Jersey, and his wife and practically drown them. Embarrassment after embarrassment. You know the feeling.

That’s my dream. So this morning I woke up, wrote PRODUCE, FLOW, COLLABORATE on a piece of paper and put it on the dining room table (center of the house) and every time I do something now I ask if it fits in with my goals. I’ll keep you posted on how my three words work out.

What are you focusing on this year?

If you are still reading this far and you know Johnny Depp, tell him I’m not asking for money, but if he needs info on autism, tell him to check out my books and websites, and to call me if he has time for lunch. We could collaborate on something. Hopefully, his good looks won’t be too much of a distraction.

Best wishes  to you and your family for 2012!