How can we help our children and teens with autism make friends?

April 14, 2011

From the neurotypical person’s  point of view, it seems as if children, teens and adults on the autism spectrum are not interested in having friends.   They do not show the same type of social cues or social behaviors and body language that indicates to others that  they want to have a relationship. The adults I have interviewed make it clear they enjoy having relationships, including those who are mostly non-verbal such as Sue Rubin (“Autism is a World”).  My son Jeremy often communicates about wanting to have friends.  However, understanding the concept of  different types of relationships and knowing the appropriate behaviors and conversations expected from the neurotypical viewpoint, does not come naturally, and can be magnified for those who are non-verbal.

Ways in which it is difficult for them to make friends:

  • Many children on the spectrum are good at playing alongside, but not with, peers. They may be fascinated with a toy, but not play with it in the way it is meant to be played with, which means that peers may not connect with him.
  • Games are difficult. They need to learn turn taking and waiting.
  • They may be very interested in certain objects or past times that are not usual for the developmental level
  • They have a hard time making eye contact (as discussed elsewhere), and for many neurotypicals, eye contact is important and if you do not make eye contact then you appear rude or shifty.
  • Children and  teens may have poor social skills.
  • They are not good at picking up on non-verbal communication skills, such as social cues and body language, and this makes it hard for establishing a relationship. Those who are non-verbal may have communication systems that are limited and unfamiliar to neurotypicals.
  • Many who are verbal are not good at social chit chat and are frankly not interested in it because they don’t get the point of it. Often they have difficulties starting and ending conversations, or only want to speak on topics they are passionate about.

In my next post I will discuss  tips on how you can help your child  learn skills that will help him / her  have meaningful friendships.

For more information and autism parenting tips on teens and relationships, read my book Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum, or sign up for my course on Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum.

Tips on getting your child with autism the right education

April 12, 2011

As described in a earlier post,  your child has the right to a free and appropriate education under The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act  (IDEA) and you must learn to advocate for your child.  Following are some tips in regards to ensuring that your child gets the educational help he or she needs:

  • Know what your child’s educational needs are.
  • Learn about the educational strategies that work the best for students that resemble yours on the autism spectrum.
  • Learn what you can about your local school district. School districts vary depending upon the administrators in charge and how they are funded. What do parents and professionals  in your area have to say about the different  districts?
  • In some geographical areas there are knowledgeable educational consultants who can help. Try to find one experienced  with the level of autism your child has by asking knowledgeable parents in your area if they have used one.
  • Get to know the different school options in your area. What  do parents and professionals  have to say about the different classes and school sites?
  • Learn about IDEA and “No Child Left Behind” and what the parent’s duties as well as what the school’s duties are in terms of the education of children.
  • Visit different types of classrooms and different school before making a decision regarding your child’s educational program.
  • Develop and maintain good relationships with school staff, educators and other professionals there to help your child, as well as in the community.
  • Keep good records of any phone calls, meetings, conversations about your child.
  • Keep good records of all assessments and IEP’s.
  • Do not be afraid to ask questions, and do not feel intimidated by the professionals. Remember you are the expert on your child.
  • Monitor your child’s progress and educational program.
  • Keep focused on your goal – a free and appropriate education for your child.

Remember, an informed parent is the best advocate for your child! Read more in my book, Autism Spectrum Disorders. Tips on how to communicate and negotiate more effectively with your school will be given in the course Empowerment Strategies for the ASD Parent.

Making sure your child with autism gets a good education at school

March 23, 2011

A good education is important to helping a child to develop and learn. In the United States we are very fortunate to have The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). If your child has an autism spectrum disorder and needs special education, you will need to become familiar with the rights your child has under (IDEA).

Since 1975, IDEA  requires  that  all individuals  have access to a ‘free and appropriate education (FAPE).’ IDEA is a federal act, and  each state may not take away the special education rights provided under IDEA, but may provide more.

Basically, every child  under the age of three and at risk of developing a substantial disability if early interventions are not provided is eligible for early intervention. The names of the different programs my vary by state, but  you can check with  your state’s Department of Health, Department of Developmental Disability, or Department of Education about early intervention. If you need help finding help or information in your area, look at the website of the Federal Interagency Coordinating Council (www.fed-icc.org).

In the educational system, if a student is eligible, an Individualized Education Program (IEP) is developed that  sets out the ways the child will be helped with his areas of difficulties, and  goals and objectives are developed. The IEP is developed by an IEP team at IEP’s that take place at least annually.

An IEP team consists of the parents, the child’s teacher, a general education teacher, a special education administrator, any professionals providing services such as occupational therapy,  speech and language therapy, and adapted physical education.

Sometimes, some members of the IEP team and / or the parents may not be in agreement as to how a child’s educational needs should be  met, and what constitutes a ‘free and appropriate education’ for your child. As a parent, it is important to get to know how your child learns. Remember that you are the expert on your child. Also, it is important to keep abreast of the educational methods that are out there that may help your child.

If you are in disagreement with the rest of the IEP team, there are appropriate ways for you to express your disagreement. The first step is to try and have good and open communication with your child’s teacher and other professionals involved in helping your child with his difficulties. The second is to make sure you know your child’s rights under IDEA. As a parent you will need to become an advocate for your child.

As laws and regulations change, parents and educators can  stay informed   by  checking the US Department  of Education (www.ed.gov) and your state department of education.

Most, if not all, states have an agency that helps people with disabilities and tells you your rights in plain language, and provides information in different languages.  To find out how your state interprets IDEA, These are usually called Protection and Advocacy offices. Often these agencies have decoded the complicated IDEA and made it available on-line in easy to understand layman terms so that parents can understand the rights their children have in terms of education.

In my next post, I’ll cover some autism parenting tips to ensure your child is getting the education he or she needs. You can also read more in my book, Autism Spectrum Disorders. Tips on how to communicate and negotiate more effectively with your school will be given in the course  Empowerment Strategies for the ASD Parent on Thursdays May 5,12,19,26, from 6:00 – 8:00 PM PST.

Puberty brings changes that are difficult for a teen on the spectrum

March 16, 2011

Most children with autism have a terrible time with change. They like things to stay the same, as they are used to the familiarity of routine. If there are no new things, they don’t have to anticipate for any ‘attacks’ to their senses; they can anticipate what is coming next.  Many like things to be the same and will spend time lining up their toys or objects. Some parents have reported that when they have moved the furniture around, the child will move it back to where it used to be.

Now, imagine that you are the type of person who cannot stand change, that you are afraid of it.  And then you notice something really freaky – your body is changing on you and you have no control over it. It is even worse if no one has told you what was going to happen. Boys start noticing the hair on their legs growing in tougher and longer, and hair sprouting in places there wasn’t any before. Then, they notice their Adam’s Apple has grown and become more prominent, and their voice is starting to change and is cracking at times. Not only that, but something weird is happening ‘down there’ – their penis gets hard and sometimes there is a liquid leaking out. How weird is that??!!
For girls, it is much the same – think of  all the ways a girl’s body changes, and imagine how frightful that could be if you don’t like change.  Especially when the girl begins to menstruate, if no one has explained to her in a way she can understand what that is all about, then she will have a difficult time going through this change towards womanhood.

Some tips:

  • It is best to start explaining to the preteen what bodily changes to expect before puberty hits. For girls, puberty usually starts at age 9 or 10, for  boys at 10 or 11.  However, better late than never.
  • Explain what will happen to both the male and female bodies during puberty, so that the child is not surprised when they see their peers changing as well.
  • Show pictures of trusted , loved adults of both sexes – mom, dad, aunt, uncle – as babies, then children, then teens, then  as adults, so that they see how the transformation has happened to everyone, and that it is a positive thing to go through.
  • Explain the bodily function inherent to being a boy (hardening of the penis, ejaculation) and being a girl (menstrual cycle).If you have a girl on the spectrum, it might be a wise idea to have her wear a pad for a while before she begins her menstrual cycles, so that she gets used to the sensory aspect of wearing the sanitary pad.
  • The use of social stories and a picture book you can create with the above information is helpful. You can then go over the picture book and social stories as often as needed.

The point is, body changes are scary for those who do not like change, but by telling them and showing them the changes that will happen can make it much easier for them. For more autism parenting tips when it comes to teens, you may wish to sign up for our course, Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum. Also, you can read Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum, or 41 Things to Know About Autism.

New to Autism? How to Cope

March 9, 2011

Parents new to the world of autism usually have a tough time after getting the diagnosis. Parents  learning to cope with the diagnosis of  autism may  find the following tips helpful:

  • First,  acknowledge your feelings, and allow yourself to feel the emotions that are there. These emotions, may come back time and again, but you will learn to cope.
  • Know that the emotions you feel  as a parent of a child with autism, has been compared to the stages of grief that a dying person goes through.
  • Recognize what you are feeling and try to use those emotions to your benefit. If you are angry, use that energy to find out all you can and advocate for your child (just be careful not to take out your anger on those that are there to help you). If you are feeling isolated, join a support group. If you are feeling powerless, go on the internet and do some research to learn about what options you have for your child, or which advocacy group exists in your state (every state has one) for the developmentally disabled community.
  • Keep in mind you are not mourning the death of your child, you are morning the loss of your expectations. The child you have may not be the child you were expecting, but he still needs you and loves you.
  • Reach out and find an autism support group in your area that can help you feel less isolated and can help you with information.
  • Find out all you can that can help your child so you can make the right choices. Empower yourself with the knowledge you need to help your child the best way that you can.
  • Take care of your self. Just like in an airplane where the flight attendant instructs you in case of an accident, to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you help your child; you come first.  If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to help your child.

At Autism College, we can help you as we help other parents coping with autism. Our Parent Empowerment Course can help you with some information such as how to know what will help your child, and the affects of autism on siblings and grandparents. Our free Library will have information you can use (coming soon!).  Two of my books would be really helpful to you at this time:  Autism Spectrum Disorders, and 41 Things to Know About Autism.

My child has just been diagnosed with autism, how do I cope with this?

March 4, 2011

Recently I received an email from a mother whose child had just been diagnosed with autism. She was in pain, and she wanted to know how she was supposed to carry on; she felt all alone.

What I told her was that there are moments in time that are forever etched in your memory-  for example –  I will never forget the moment I heard President John F. Kennedy had been assassinated.  Most Americans will never forget what they  were doing on September 11, 2001 when they heard that the Twin Towers in NYC were hit by planes and were going down.

For a parent, the day you receive your child’s diagnosis of autism is the same – you will never forget where you were, how you were told and what feelings overcame you.  The difference is, that you feel all alone in your pain – it is not a national catastrophe, but a personal one that impacts you just as deeply.  When you leave the doctor’s office, you are all alone in your pain. Unlike a national catastrophe, everyone else’s life continues on just the same – only you, your spouse’s and your family’s life has changed. Even if you expected the results because you felt something was wrong with your child, nothing prepares you for hearing the official diagnosis, and for the slew of emotions that follow. It is awful.

However, it is important  to remember at this time, that you are not alone. There are many parents out there who went through what you are going through, or are going through it now, and connecting to them can be your lifeline.  They will understand what those close to you may not.  You will get autism parenting tips from them. At first you may be reluctant to contact the autism  organizations or  attend support group meetings – it is kind of like joining a club you never wanted to be a member of.  However, getting to know other parents you can talk to who understand what you are going through is very helpful.

Of course, you would rather have heard that nothing was wrong with your child.  A parent goes through many emotions at this time.  It is important to focus on the positive aspect that  now that you know what is wrong, you can move forward, when you are ready, to find the treatments, therapies and strategies that will help your child.

Once you are ready, you will need to get educated about autism. We can help you do that at Autism College.  Our free Library will have information you can use.  You may find our Parent Empowerment Course useful.  Or, how about my books, Autism Spectrum Disorders, and 41 Things to Know About Autism.

In my next post, I’ll provide some useful tips for parents new to autism wanting to know how to cope.

1001 Tips for Parents of Autistic Boys and Autistic Girls.

November 24, 2010

Those who have heard me speak at conferences or who read my books know that I love information that is usable. When it comes to books on autism, practical rules. Two books have just been published that are full of useful tidbits that parents will appreciate, and these are 1001 Tips for Parents of Autistic Girls by Tony Lyons, and 1001 Tips for Parents of Autistic Boys by Ken Siri.

Like any book on autism, some of the tips in these books will apply to your child and your situation, and others may not. But with 1001 tips there are many to choose from. The book for parents of autistic girls is a great resource, as lately there have been a few books published on Aspie girls but nothing really for those on the other parts of the spectrum. When it comes to puberty and the teen years, parents of girls need information about how to handle the changes puberty brings (I think you get the picture).

On Thanksgiving Eve, I am grateful for the autism community of parents, professionals and support staff who have shared their wisdom as we search for enlightenment. In honor of the release of these two 1001 Tips  for Parents, I’m sharing my favorite tips for making it through the holiday season from my recent Psychology Today blog. Parents, you may find these useful in making it through the upcoming month and a half. I know how difficult it can be.

(If these tips don’t work, remember the three V’s – valium, vodka, vacation, but not if you are driving and certainly not for your child. – Disclaimer: The information appearing between these parenthesis was written to incite laughter, and is not to be taken as medical advice, please check with your doctor before self-medicating).

Why the holidays are so difficult for families with autism and what can help

Often parents in the autism community will joke that we become more religious during the holiday season that begins with Thanksgiving: we pray our children will behave while we are visiting relatives, we pray they will show interest in their gifts (and not just the ribbon), we pray they will sit at the dinner table, we pray they won’t hit the relative who tries to kiss them, and above all – we pray that we will have the strength to politely ignore the judgments passed upon us and our ‘misbehaving’ children.

Here are some areas of difficulties for children on the spectrum and their families during the holiday season, from my book, 41 Things to Know About Autism, published earlier this year :

The stores are full of noise, lights, lots of people, and winter holiday music that can create major overwhelm for those with sensory processing challenges.
• Social requirements such as relatives wanting a hug or a kiss that can fell painful.
• Holiday dinners where they are expected to try foods or sit for long periods of time with so many people and so much commotion.
• Many children are mesmerized by the colors and textures of the ribbon and wrapping paper and do not open the present but stim (get engrossed and play) with the wrapping
• The child does not understand personal space or have safety notions and so may run around the house or try to play with something breakable.
• Relatives may think that the child is misbehaving, and may try to discipline the child, not realizing that the child really can’t help it, and that discipline is not helpful when it comes to sensory overload and high anxiety.
• Parents have a difficult time because they know there are certain expectations of behavior that relatives and friends have and that the child cannot fulfill.

What can you do? With some preparation, planning and information sharing, the holidays can be less stressful and more enjoyable. Here are some tips on how to prepare your friends and relatives whom you will be visiting:

• Explain the difficulties your child has with the holiday dinner environment, decorations, noise etc.
• Let them know he is not just misbehaving, and that he is learning little by little to handle these situations
• Explain about dietary challenges so they don’t expect him to eat what everyone else is eating.
• Ask if there is a quiet room (child -proof in terms of décor) where your child can retreat for some quiet time to escape the commotion and noise.
• Send them a short but sweet letter or email ahead of time explaining why your child acts the way he does and the difficulties of the holidays form his point of view. They will have a better understanding of why she won’t wear a dress or he won’t wear a necktie, and why as more and more people start arriving, he tries to escape the room.

To prepare your child:

• Make a social stories book about what will be happening and the behavioral expectations. If possible include photos of who he will be seeing, the house  decorated during last year’s holiday season. If he is going to church, do the same for that environment.
• Play some of the music he may be hearing at this holiday season.
• Practice unwrapping presents – wrap a bunch of boxes up with favorite treats inside and have him open them to get to them.
• Practice a handshake if he can tolerate that.
• Write rules together – ie how long he thinks he can tolerate sitting at table, and the expected behavior.

On the day of the holiday celebration:

• Remind your child of the agreed upon rules
• Pack some little toys he can play with in his lap at the dinner table
• Bring some foods he can eat, especially if he is on a specific diet.
• Arrive early so that the noise level builds up slowly for him.
• Do not let the expectations of others ruin your day. Do what you need to do to make it as comfortable as possible for you and your child.

Holidays can be difficult because of all the expectations, as well as the sensory challenges, but with planning and information sharing the holidays can be more enjoyable for all.

“THE STATE OF THINGS” North Carolina Public Radio station WUNC

April 22, 2010

Click here for a link to the radio show

The program is “The State of Things” on North Carolina Public Radio station WUNC.  Longtime NPR correspondent Frank Stasio hosts the program, which  this time  focused on autism.

The way Franc Stasio introduced me is a description I think describes what all autism moms and dads tend to be – strategists:

“… Jeremy is almost 22 now and  he is thriving thanks to an army of experts whose chief strategist and leader of the troops is his mother.” Frank Stasio, host of radio show ‘The State of Things” on WUNC, North Carolina Public Radio, April 2010.

I was on a panel that will include  Autism Society of North Carolina  spokesperson David Laxton; and a representative of the North Carolina TEACCH program, and Daniel Coulter.  TEACCH stands for “Treatment and Education of Autistic and related Communication Handicapped Children” and is associated with the North Carolina School of Medicine.

Temple Grandin: The HBO Movie starring Claire Danes

January 13, 2010

Temple Grandin, a world-renown designer of livestock handling facilities and a professor of animal science at Colorado State University, is arguably the world’s most famous person with autism. Temple has written many books about autism, others about animals, and even more about both. Last week I called Temple (who wrote the forward to my first three books) to get her input on my latest book, 41 Things to Know About Autism. Temple told me that the long-awaited “Temple Grandin” directed by Mick Jackson is finally premiering on HBO on February 6. The screenplay by Christopher Monger and William Merritt Johnson is based on Temple’s book “Thinking in Pictures,” as well as “Emergence” by Temple Grandin and Margaret Sciariano.

For Emily Gerson Saines, Executive Producer, this movie has been a labor of love for nne years. A parent of a child diagnosed at three, she was given Temple’s autobiography, “Thinking in Pictures,” by her own mother. The book became a source of inspiration for her in raising her own child.

Temple is well-known for her ability of thinking in pictures, and I was therefore curious as to how she would react to seeing her life in images created by others, not necessarily the same pictures she has in her mind about her life. Temple discussed her thoughts with me about the movie.

How much input did Temple have on the making of this movie?

“I gave input into the screenwriting, spent a good amount of time, four days, with the writers and two days with the director. I think they did a great job. They built a cattle dipping vat based right on my original, off of my drawings. My drawings are all over the movie; I really liked that. In a scene near the end of the movie, I am selling a job to one of the meat plants, my drawings are out on the conference room table. Well, not my originals, I copied them at Kinko’s! They did really cool animations of the conveyor system for handling cattle at the slaughter plant from those drawings – really cool animations taken form my drawings – they really emphasized my projects. The cattle stuff was very accurate. They showed all the sexual discrimination I had to put up with in the livestock field. Women did not work in the yards back then just the office. It’s a lot better now.”

What was it like for Temple to see Claire Danes playing her?

“Weird. It was weird to see me on the screen. It was like going in a weird time machine, going back in a time machine into the 60’s. They put a wig on Claire and dressed her up in clothes and she had to wear these ugly false teeth apparatus. She looked like me, except she was shorter than me and we couldn’t do anything about that, but she sounds and moves just like me. She does accurately portray how I would act in the 60s and 70s. Claire did a great job.”

How did Temple help Claire prepare for the role?

“We met in New York for a half a day and I gave her all my tapes of me, of old lectures from the late 80’s, early 90’s and an old Larry King show I did. I only had still photos from childhood; they didn’t take video in our house then. Claire had a voice and movement coach.

Did the film attempt to portray how Temple’s mind thinks in pictures; and if so how did they do that?

“The movie is great. They really showed how my mind works. They have a neat scene where they show how I think in pictures, very effective. I love how they showed that. They showed sequentially pictures of ‘shoes’ that is exactly how I think – like snapshots of different types of shoes: high heels, flats, all different types and shapes and colors.”

What was Temple’s favorite aspect of the movie?

“The visualizations and they way they used my drawings. They showed the optical illusion I built, the science teacher challenged me to do that, the Amesʼ “Distorted Room. They built a working squeeze machine I designed and the gate at my aunt’s ranch.”

What was it life for Temple being on the movie set, watching them put her life story into pictures?

“I only watched a small part of it being filmed. I watched it through a monitor because I didn’t want to make Claire nervous. What really interested me was the number of people on the set that had Asperger’s Syndrome. Smart people. Let’s just say they weren’t sweeping the floor. They are all part timers. There are a lot of technical jobs in production and it was like a big construction project.”

What message does Temple want people to take away from seeing this movie?

“I hope one of the things they get from it is the importance of a good teacher and mentors. Mr. Carlock (David Strathairn) saw that I had some areas of strength and he developed that. He spotted my ability with science; mentors are attracted to ability. Sometimes you find the mentors in the oddest places. In fact, the first meat plant I ever went to, I got in because I met the wife of their insurance agent, because she liked my hand embroidered shirt.

People are going to hire you because of your skill not your personality. You need to have a portfolio to show them what you can do. When I first went into the American Society of Agricultural Engineers, they thought I was weird, they didn’t even want to talk to me. Then I whipped out the cow dip vat drawing and that made them respect me.

Also, it’s important for people with Asperger’s to understand they need to make things that people want in order to make a living. Like the opening gate at my aunt’s farm – I would get upset at my aunt, but I ended up building the gate my aunt (Catherine O’Hara) wanted. I figured out how to open the gate without getting out of the car. This gate – it solved other’s people’s problems. That’s something you can make money from. The gate was an early project at age 16 before I made the squeeze machine. I hope this movie inspires a lot of parents.”

What is it like for Temple to know that there is a movie of her life out there?

“Well, I’ll never get a fat head. I’ll go on the movie tour, and go on my book tours, and then I’ll come back here. I never forget what my real job is, which is my livestock stuff. Today, I’m having lunch with one of my students to discuss a project we are working on together. That’s my real job.”

A few days after talking to Temple about the movie, I was given the opportunity to see it. I have to agree with Temple. It’s a great movie and not just for people interested in autism or cattle, because It’s a wonderful, inspirational, and entertaining story. The messages that Temple hopes people will take away are true for everyone, not just those with Asperger’s, especially in this economy. As a friend of Temple’s I was impressed with Claire’s interpretation of her: she really sounds and moves like Temple. As a former production professional, I appreciated the effort and care with which they took words on a page and translated them into sounds and images that accurately portrayed a person who is a hero to many of us – not an easy thing to do. As a parent of a child with autism, I could not help but relate to Temple’s mother, Eustacia Cutler (Julia Ormond), and was moved to tears during the final scene. Watch this movie, you’ll be glad you did.

This article was first published on HuffingtonPost.com, January 13, 2010.

Open Letter to Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger

August 24, 2009

Dear Arnie,

I hope you don’t mind me calling you Arnie, but I feel like we have a lot in common. My family also immigrated from Europe to follow the American Dream, and a couple of years ago I had the pleasure of meeting one of your wife’s relatives — Anthony Shriver — when we were both invited to speak at the Shafallah Center for Children with Special Needs in Qatar. Also, your oldest daughter, Catherine, was born the same year as my son, Jeremy, and my daughter is a few months younger than your Aurelia. And did I forget to mention? We live in the same state. So, I feel close to you.

Arnie, I’m writing to you today in regards to a topic I know you are sick of hearing about. I promise, I’ll keep it short. It’s about the budget. I just want to know, have you forgotten the nice things about living in the old country? I’m not sure about Austira, but I know from personal experience that in France, Germany and the UK, they take care of their young, their sick, their old, and their disabled — those who are now who are suffering the most from the budget cuts here in California. By the way, I’m still trying to figure out how we got into this position; I heard that if California were a country, it would rank among the ten largest economies in the world, interesting, huh?

Speaking about budget cuts, my friends are always picking on me about the French only working 35 hours a week and how the system over there is going broke. Well, now all my friends working for the different California state departments aren’t laughing anymore — they are being forced to work as little as the French (you know, those unpaid furlough days they have to take?) — and our beautiful state is still broke. Big difference — in France — the same workers are getting health care and 5 weeks paid vacation, nice pensions, can you beat that? Weird, huh?

Granted, Europe is not perfect and it was hard to be a self-made man back then in the old days, (easier now, so I have heard). When I was over there working in TV and film, I could not get an education for my autistic son (I hear that, too, is beginning to change). But when I was pregnant with my daughter, Rebecca, the French doctors realized from the pre-natal care that they had insisted in providing me,  that she was going to be born with a certain medical condition. Rebecca required shots, blood tests, medication and frequent monitoring. They gave her excellent medical care (all for free) for a year and continued to monitor her afterwards. Thanks to that preventative and early intervention, today she is healthy, and on her way to becoming a productive member of society.

My French grandmother lived in Paris till she was 96, bless her heart, and she did not have to worry about having a roof over her head and enough food to eat (what with rent control and all). Memere had health care workers visit once a day, and when she could not climb the stairs anymore she went to an old age home which was an old Victorian house — where many of her former neighbors lived. She enjoyed the last of her days without worrying about how she could afford to eat and sleep. Memere was a factory worker, and she had her pension, and medical care, too.

In comparison, my mom has Parkinson’s, she is stuck in a wheelchair and lives in a nursing home down the street from me, and believe me — you don’t want to now how much it costs. I’m not sure what we are going to do when Maman’s money runs out.

Meanwhile, I have raised my son, Jeremy, despite his severe autism as best I could, and he has become an inspirations to many in the autism community. You can see for yourself on MTV’s True Life, in “I Have Autism.” In fact, his story was picked as the one of the tops 5 most inspiring moments for overcoming challenges from a couple of hundred True Life Stories. Last fall, he passed the California High School Exit Exam, all by typing with one finger. Pretty amazing, huh?

Arnie, I love the whole self-made man and the “American Dream” that made you move here years ago in the first place — which is why I was so thrilled when the state of California started some self-employment projects for people with developmental disabilities. My son and I have been involved in a few of these projects; he is all for pulling his own weight. ‘Course now with all the budget cuts, I’m not sure what is going to happen to him and his American Dream.

Which reminds me — right now, my husband still has a job, although it is in construction project management, so who knows how long that will last. I kinda worry sometimes what will happen to our family — our nice middle class tax-paying family if the construction business completely dries up. And I’m sure we can’t be the only ones losing sleep and worrying over stuff like this.

Now, I know I am rambling here — I’m almost done — but did I tell you about my Rebecca? I’m very proud of her, too. She is going to be a senior in high school and we are going on a road trip next week to visit some University of California and State College campuses in California. I don’t have the heart to tell her it is probably a waste of time — with all the budget cuts I’m not sure she will get in (even though she is an excellent student) because they are admitting less people next year — what with the budget cuts. Even if she gets in, I’m not sure how we can afford it, seeing how Rebecca’s brother and her grandma are going to be depending upon us more and more this coming year.

Hey, I read yesterday in the Sunday New York Times that Tom Arnold says he is making a movie with you in 14 months — it’s going to start shooting the day after you leave office? He says there is no plot or script determined yet. He said, “It’s not going to be called ‘True Lies II,’ but it might as well be…” Well, that’s pretty funny, though I don’t think he meant it quite that way.

But actually I have an idea for your first movie when you leave office — it goes like this: you take a wealthy state like California, and you take away the social supports in place for the children, disabled and elderly; you force those who have government jobs to close their offices a few days a month and take a cut in pay; drive the unemployment rate up to 10%; you mix in a few natural disasters like wildfires in San Diego, Los Angeles and Santa Barbara; add an earthquake in San Francisco; and — but wait! Didn’t these things happen already? LOL — I guess it can be a reality TV show!

Actually, I think we could all use a good, funny comedy when you are back in Hollywood, don’t you, to take our mind off our troubles? Come to think of it, going to the movies is not in our budget anymore. Hope it doesn’t effect your children’s future if most Californians can’t afford movie tickets anymore, either. Actually, it probably won’t even make a dent a your finances. “Funny the way it is, if you think about it, somebody’s going hungry and someone else is eating out.” Dang! This darn Dave Matthews song keeps playing in my head! So annoying.

Now please, Arnie, don’t get the idea I’m blaming you for all this. I understand it takes more than a few years and a few people to get us into a mess like this. But, right now, you’re the top man — “the buck stops here.” Which reminds me — I read the other day in my local San Diego Union Tribune that LA City Hall paid an estimated $1.4 million on police protection and other services at Michael Jackson’s memorial, including $48,000 on sandwiches brought in for police from 70 miles away. Those must have been some sandwiches! (You know, sometimes I’ll go that extra mile for a cheeseburger from In-and-Out, but I digress). Anyhow, I’m a big fan of Michael Jackson, but where did all that money come from to pay for this?

Well got to go — need to write a letter to President Obama. Gotta let him know I can’t afford to volunteer for the community anymore. Got to spend every free moment earning money or taking care of my mom and son. By the way, I’ve spent money traveling around to advise different autism taskforces around the state these last few years — do you think I can get reimbursed for expenses? I could use the gas money now.

Please give my best to your lovely wife, Maria. I really do appreciate all that she and her family have done for the developmentally disabled — Special Olympics, Best Buddies. God knows we need these volunteer programs now more than ever.

Thanks for all you do,

Chantal

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